To:
Nicole Tolman
From:
Bill
Subject:
Honda Civic Request
Nicole,
Your
efforts to stay within budget, purchase wisely, and use your vehicle to its
fullness is admirable and is one of the many reasons why Honda seeks to serve
great customers like you through fuel efficient and sound vehicles. Honda
greatly appreciates families like yours who have bought our cars for years.
While the government report is accurate, the
figures represent the whole automobile industry; Hondas are grouped together
with other companies. The gas mileage numbers also refer to 2008 models.
Honda seeks to care for all its customers to
the best of its ability. In response to your proposal of a monthly payment of
$40, Honda has extended the mileage warranty ten percent for all cars with a
faulty odometer; your account has recently been updated to show the extended
warranty. There are habits that can be applied to help save money, such as
driving without extra weight in the car, carpooling, and keeping the tires
properly inflated.
We hope to correspond with you in the future
and wish you every success in business school and beyond.
Bill
It is good how you start off by complimenting her expectations for her car and say that you value her and her family as customers. also, great way to close the email with a positive atmosphere and wish her success in school. When it comes to the refusal of her request you don't actually come out and say no. You start the sentence regarding her request, but switch to the odometer issue, so I'd try to reword this paragraph and clearly refuse her request. Also, put a little more detail into your tips for gas mileage. It might help to include percentages of actually how much these tips can save her in gas.
ReplyDeleteOverall, you did a good job. You are clear and professional. However, it might be beneficial to include more details about the efficient driving trips. Consider using a bulleted list; simple lists in emails really help the important information stand out to the reader. Including the URL link would be convenient for her, as well. Also, you might want to add another introductory sentence to great her before jumping into details.
ReplyDeleteThe brevity of this email was definitely a strong point. It seems professional and concise. Though I definitely would have gone further in depth to explain the variations in how to save money, simply because that's all Nicole is after in the original email to begin with.
ReplyDeleteEverything about your email is very straight forward except for your refusal of her request. It leaves it open for more negotiation over the matter. A little more emphasis on tips for saving gas might increase the positivity showing you care to help.
ReplyDeleteThe email shows a strong point in responding to her except for the refusal of paying the request. It actually sounds like the company will pay her the 40 dollars. I would also suggest making the tips on saving gas and mileage stand out because right now you have to look for them in the email.
ReplyDelete