To: Nicole Tolman
From: Bill
Subject: Your Recent Honda Purchase
Nicole,
Thank you
again for choosing our dealership when you purchased your 2005 Honda Civic. Your
family has been a long time valued customer of ours
I understand your frustration in getting lower
gas mileage than you had believed you were going to receive. The new mileage
estimates you had shown in your email go into effect on the 2008 models. The mileage estimates will vary from driver
to driver based upon their driving habits.
I was able
to find some tips for you on ways to save on gas:
·
Aggressive driving (speeding, rapid acceleration
and breaking) wastes gas. Avoiding this can improve gas mileage by about 10%.
·
Avoid hauling cargo on your roof and excess
weight in the car. These things can reduce your fuel economy by around 2% to
8%.
·
Avoid excessive idling. It can use a quarter to
a half gallon of fuel per hour.
·
Use cruise control. This helps you maintain a
constant speed, saving you gas.
Unfortunately it is not within our company policy to
reimburse you for your mileage expectations.
However we would be happy to have our maintenance department check your
odometer for accuracy.
Nicole, I hope some of these tips
are able to help you increase your mileage, and save you from those extra hours
of work. Feel free to contact me or stop
by the dealership with any other questions or concerns you and your family
might have.
Sincerely,
Bill
This email applies some of the great elements of the indirect method, such as reminding the customer of previous and satisfactory encounters and the use of bullet points. Also, the sincerity in the email is very apparent-- I can hear it in the speaker's tone.
ReplyDeleteThere are two things I would change. 1) Some of the sentences jump from one subject to the next without transitions, which makes the paragraph choppy. Try using "also" or "in addition". 2) There is a small reminder at the end of the email of Nicole having to work extra hours to pay for the extra gas mileage. It may be best to cut it out.
Overall, I liked it. Good work!
I agree with Liz. The email content comes across well to the reader. You addressed the important points and were straight-forward with the customer.
ReplyDeleteChanges you might consider include:
- Reformatting spaces and paragraphs so that structure is consistent
- Adding another sentence in introductory paragraph to make it more personal
- Including the URL link for the safe driving tips webpage for her convenience
Altogether, good job!